May 17, Sunday

Last Thursday when the neighbor's dogs attacked our dog Liza for the fourth time, I exploded in rage. I can't ever remember getting that angry, that quickly and acting it out physically as I did to protect Liza. Its like someone else took me over. I was possessed by my anger. During the dog fight I screamed, "No!" over and over. When it was over I screamed at my neighbor who owns the dogs and stood watching the event, "This is just not right!" My rage was not so much at the dogs or even the irresponsibility of their owner, my rage was at the injustice of it. It's just not right!

That cry has been such a theme in my life, from my early recognition of racism, then sexism, then war, nuclear weapons, the treatment of prisoners, of gay, lesbian and transgendered people, of animals - of each other and the Earth. It's just not right! Eventually I did learn that raging against injustice is helpful for a while, but its not a good place to get stuck.

Our little neighborhood conflict is like a microcosm of the world. Jim got so upset seeing that I could have been hurt and Liza was hurt again, that when our neighbor called to check on Liza, Jim said, "If I see your dogs running loose again, I'm going to shoot them." How crazy is that! Jim doesn't even own a gun. I don't think he has ever fired one. When I asked him about it later, he explained, "Well, that's how angry I felt. I felt like I'd like to buy a gun and shoot those dogs." I won't go into the whole story, but these dogs have hurt Liza badly, she's had sutures, weeks of dressing changes and 2 times a day antibiotics. She had to wear one of those lamp shade things they use to keep dogs from chewing on the wound. We're talking about this happening three other times. Liza has suffered a lot. I can definitely relate to Jim's desire to make it stop. By explanation I need to say that living in Arkansas in the woods means you pretty much forgo the luxury of law enforcement. There are no dog control laws here . We're on our own with this one.

So we've got this anger that has a good portion of righteous indignation and genuine fear for our loved dog. The second day after the event, after rehearsing the entire thing in my head, ad nauseum, I noticed a softening around the edges of my anger. I thought, "Maybe they don't understand what we've been through with this and how hard it has been on Liza." In other words, I started to try to put myself in their shoes, if only just a bit. I began to think about the possibility of dialogue. It was that day that the song from the video by Noa and Mira Awad, "We Can Work it Out" went through my head continually for hours. I reasoned, if these two women, one a Palestinian and the other an Israeli Jew, can speak so eloquently and model dialogue between opposing sides in this complicated and deadly conflict, then of course we can work things out with the neighbors about our dog problems. This should be simple, right?

The third day, which was yesterday, I did Spring cleaning in my studio. As I worked physically, my mind was working hard on trying to design the perfect approach for reconciliation with our neighbors. I formed a plan. Last night I shared my idea with Jim. I would send them an e-mail giving the link to the video by Noa and Mira Awad. I would say something like this, "If these people can speak about working it out, surely we can too. If you'd like to talk, please let us know and we'll set up a time."

I really thought Jim would like my idea. I was kind of attached to it myself. He didn't go for it. He said that he thought we should give them a bit more time to contact us and let us know what they are going to do to address the problem. I was disappointed in his response. That song was still rambling through my head. (I do have a problem with my brain's eject button when it comes to songs sometimes). After a while I remembered that the video is not just a song but has insightful comments from two women who have lived in a world of conflict all of their lives. I went back and listened to them.

Noa says, "The Christian concept of turning the other cheek is a beautiful concept, but is almost impossible to do. First you need to recover...explode a little bit, scream. Only then can you relax and try to find the solution."
Then she outlines what this solution might look like:
1.) Apologize to each other, admit where you have been wrong, where you have caused harm.
2.) Recognize the other's rights.
3.) Share what you have.

I see that any attempt to simply smooth things over will not succeed. Real reconciliation is work, it requires engagement. It requires that both parties acknowledge the importance of the work and put their hearts into it. The third step - to "share what you have" is an on-going commitment to enact the solution. This too requires work. So truthfully, we could say that it is easier to just avoid these people, to never again walk Liza by their house to the mailbox, to not speak to them or only speak in civil greeting while harboring anger against them. Or Jim could buy a gun and shoot the dogs if they are running loose. Who knows where that would go.

As always in life there are many choices some more skillful than others and some more work. The blessing lies in being able to contemplate the choices and choose with mindfulness rather than ignorance. Perhaps this is what the Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hahn would speak of as "looking deeply" into what we are experiencing. Life is so perfect when she gives us just the lesson we didn't want to learn today.