Yesterday there was a moment at about 2:30 PM when I was standing in the kitchen and suddenly realized that it was brighter. Sunshine was beaming through the sky lights. I ran outside and lifted my arms in praise to the sun and shouted "Thank you!" Yes, I really did this. I'm desperate for light. Within 5 minutes the sunshine was gone again replaced by a grey, heavy, dripping sky. It is grey again today. There has been over a week of this. Usually I am in love with all the weather whatever comes. But I have to admit, this is getting to me. I just want to curl on the couch and read.

Fortunately I can do that. What a blessing! I am currently reading Putting on the Mind of Christ: The Inner Work of Christian Spirituality by Jim Marion. The link has a good review of the book. It's fascinating and helps me make sense of the craziness of our world now as well as understand my own needs in spiritual development. He writes so clearly that I can sense the man writing the words having very little ego involved in the writing. He seems to simply want to convey to others something that is very important to him.

At the same time I started an on-line class with Spirituality and Practice on the poetry of Rumi, the ecstatic Sufi poet who wrote 700 years ago and is now the most widely read poet in the West. The poems of course are exquisite. This week's theme is repentance - always a tricky subject in this culture anyway, probably everywhere. The instructors point out that in Sufism repentance may have a different meaning than we are accustomed to. So I had to think of what repentance means to me. Basically for me it goes something like this: it means being sorry for something you have done that hurt another, then admitting it with remorse as well as making some amends if possible and revising your way of acting to avoid hurting someone in this way again. Our dictionary defines "repent" as "To feel remorse or self-reproach for what one has done or failed to do."

The Sufi understanding, and I am sure enlightened understanding in all true Spiritual paths goes much deeper. The authors of this class refer to repentance as "taking responsibility of self". they go on to say, "Repentance is a process of returning from forgetfulness to remembrance of our true selves." In order to repent, the teaching goes, we must develop honesty and sincerity. "Honesty melts away our sense of self-importance and opens us up to receive wisdom and guidance...Sincerity takes away our pretending and game-playing and enriches our lives with meaningfulness." Here is Rumi's poem on the subject:

By the mercy of God, Paradise has eight doors
one of those doors is the door of repentance, child.
All the others are sometimes open, sometimes shut;
but the door of repentance is never closed.
Come seize the opportunity! The door is open;
carry your baggage there at once.

In the e-course there is one of these poems to work with each day for 21 days. I am excited about it and as always wonder if I can keep up with myself. I need to ground all of this with work in the garden and making lentil soup and playing Scrabble with Jim and walking Liza in the woods. Sunshine should bring some balance soon.